Archive for the ‘things you don't really want to know about me’ Category

Ok….maybe that is not completely true….or at all true, but seriously….this is by far my favorite cup EVER. I do have some sort of thing about favorite cups and glasses…..I am not sure why….it is just one of my things. For instance if I DO make coffee I like to use my favorite coffee mug….if it is not available I carefully choose what I consider to be the next best choice?? The coffee will still taste the same in whichever mug, but the ‘right’ mug makes the experience happier and more fun?? IDK
Ok….so this brings me to my cup, that I ADORE……and maybe to pretty much everyone it is ‘just a cup’ and whatever, but to me…..it is THE BEST EVER.
I drink LOTs of water ALL day so I like BIG cups…..and for some reason this year I have developed a liking to having ice in my water……not many other things….just water. I think b/c it is so fucking hot here. Anyway……so my issue with ALL other cups is that the ice water makes the cup sweat and no matter how many napkins I put under the cup, it still makes a mess…..and even if that problem was solved….the entire cup is sweaty, which I find annoying.
On my daily trip to Target, the other day, I made finding the perfect cup a top priority and I FOUND IT. It is FREAKING AWESOME. It holds LOTS of water and DOESN’T sweat and is insulated to keep water cold. It even has a bottle opener that is incognito on the bottom of the handle.
I know….this may sound ridiculous to you, but I don’t care…..I LOVE ‘Cup’ and even if it is not currently ‘Saving the World’ it probably could, if given the chance. Or maybe not, but it makes me happy so YEAH…..

Ok…..so REALLY I have had this issue with coffee makers ever since I left home and had my very own. I will start you with a bit of background: I USED to be VERY OCD…..being a A Virgo, and basically just being OCD, in general. Coffee Makers, especially bothered me…..and TO THIS DAY…..IDK……All through college, no matter my roommates, my deal was if you make coffee, please rinse everything out after you are finished. You may as well be speaking alien…..b/c people that ‘own’ coffee makers, and ‘brew’ coffee regularly have NO concept of this ridiculous cleaning and rinsing procedure. HONESTLY, after roughly 20 yrs, I realize this ONLY matters to me. I accept it, but it is still a mystery. You wash all your other dishes and cooking utensils, I am pretty sure……Generally it is the ‘Coffee Maker’ left to take on a new level of stain…..and uncertainty…..And within that discussion I HAVE to bring up— WHO the F**K buys WHITE coffee makers?? SERIOUSLY??!! Uh….coffee=dark stain…. look hideous, much like this sentence….especially if you are the 100% of coffee maker drip pot owner people, or whatever…….Uh …Just the MrCoffee types, k.I don’t really drink coffee, that much, if I do, I drink espresso…..just b/c I LOVE espresso….I LOVE STRONG coffee…..SUPER strong. Anyway, so I have an espresso machine, now….and no one uses it b/c they don’t know how, and they ‘think’ it’s complicated, but it’s NOT…..and it’s even EASIER to clean……But…..STILL I pass ole MrCoffee sitting there with day to week long old coffee staining his pot, and disfiguring the filter.Now that I have the Espresso machine I generally leave the MrCoffee to the User, but on occasions….an over achiever and feel bad for MrCoffee and clean him out, as well.More than anything…..I am wondering why am I the ONLY one that notices or even cares about this?

Yeah….well I am sort of a HUGE fan of the ‘Shower Head’ method of ya know….
and when I was in Honolulu the hotel has a kick ass shower massage…but a little rough…..
Problem is I also I also take Pristiq (anti depressent) which basically can be like torture b/c then Climaxes are not always quite so Climatic….
I have a problem with being determined…and after an hr. (or so) I was STILL tormenting my lady bit…..
Finally I gave up mostly b/c I had to get ready for work….and this excess hr in the shower left me running behind
Anywho…this was last week and for the last week I have been wearing skirts w/ no undies b/c I kid you not I think I bruised my clit! WTF!!! This is not even funny..I know it sounds funny, but it is NOT….
I will not go into further detail but the shit hurts…and b/c it is not getting better I am thinking about going to my dr…..
That will be fun…..well I basically spent an hr with the shower head beating down & bruising myself……
so yeah…that is where I am at…..

ok….well, whatever…..Mammogram….
Anyway, today I went for my FIRST ever mammogram….I was a ‘wee bit nervous’ b/c I had heard it HURTS and also….b/c besides me being ‘at the age’ one must get a mammogram (for first time) My last visit to Doc he found a lump, so my mammogram was ‘diagnostic’ = uh we REALLY want to CHECK out like EVERYTHING……
Um…ok….I mean I felt the lump @ time of visit but that was December and since then I haven’t really felt it….and dr. wasn’t SUPER worried so I was kind of like– yeah it’s probably cool, just good to get checked out and all.
In fact when checking in for mammogram they kept asking me ‘You have a lump?’ and EVERY time I rsponded w/ a self breast exam….which later when I went to sit amongst those in the waiting room was probably not normal…..I mean who just starts giving themselves a self breast exam, in public….as a response to a question.
So yeah, getting back to the Mammers Gram….first of all….didn’t hurt. I don’t know…maybe b/c I kind of have big boobs so they don’t have to conturt me too much to shove my lusciousness into ‘the machine’.
After that I had an Ultrasound…since I was considered ‘diagnostic’……so yeah, dr ultrasounded my breast for like forever so like I KNEW something was up….or she REALLY liked my boob. And end result was…..”Well, we would like to do a biopsy”…..they showed me whatever the fuck specialists see on that B&W screen and I was like….”uh huh” ok…..
They have assured me it is probably nothing to worry about…and I feel the same….BUT I sort of thought that when I went into the Mammogram…..so after it absorbed into my mind and I realized I am having a 2nd biopsy in 1 month I kind of started to feel weak.
There were a couple of breakdowns, I am not going to lie, but I think it is important to face certain emotions…and even though I AM a strong person I am not invicible and sometimes I have to get shit out.
I do feel optimistic….I do…..but yeah….it’s just a lot to absorb all @ once……
And this shit is NOT cheap either so that SUCKS……
Ok….but things are gonna be ok….Just thought you might like to know what is going on and that mammograms don’t hurt…(if your boobs are big enough to shove into the machine)
And to all you guys…..I KNOW *SEXY*…but whatever…..
Actually maybe next time I get a mammogram I will totally do a HOT photo shoot so you are not all — Aaahhh….mammograms= girl stuff—-
Um….I think that is all FOR NOW….maybe

Yeah, sure this seems obvious….but it’s really something you don’t think about until you ACTUALLY make the mistake….and I prefer to learn the hard way…pretty much always.
When they FINALLY take you to ‘the room’ and you are just sitting there in ‘your gown’ TOTALLY HELPLESS….that is when you realize the Benefiber was a bad idea.
Do you re-dress and run to the bathroom, or just hope for the dr. to show up soon & hope for the best??
During this time you think….I am sure he has had worse situations…..
I haven’t had any kids but I am pretty sure LOTS of gross things happen during that process…..
My stomach gurgled for almost an hour before the dr FINALLY showed up but I made it through the ordeal w/o further embarrassing myself….except now I have shared this experience with all of you, which is probably ANOTHER mistake.
Needless to say I learned a lesson…and in case you are as stupid as me I though I would pass on my new life lesson to you

So I had the biopsy today…..I had to get up early and stuff, too.
It wasn’t as traumatic as I thought it would be but I still felt I was owed some pain killers. They were like do you have Motrin….I’m like yeah but this shit hurts….and finally after some good acting they gave me some Vicodin.
I actually think that was the least they could do even if the procedure didn’t cause ALL day pain like I thought it might….
I mean if you have to have a biopsy I think you should get whatever you want. I mean not like ‘The Make a Wish’ foundation……but at least some good pain killers….seriously.

In case you were wondering where I was yesterday…I was curled up in my bed pretending the rest of the world & one person, in particular, did NOT exist. No need to go into details, but this person drinks A LOT and usually just passes out, but sometimes he acts like a weirdo, which turns into acting like a FUCKING ASSHOLE and it makes me sad.
(On a side note…..this person is actually a very good person….who just needs to work thru some issues….but yeah he needs to work through those issues….or well….it will be more than a blog, that’s for sure)
Sometimes it is hard for me to get out of bed even when I haven’t been emotionally drained & had too much to drink the night before…..I can’t remember the last time I woke up and was actually excited to start the day….
I mean I am sure all of you can relate— and I appreciate what I do have in my life, but I feel like I am in a stagnant un inspiring place and have been in a REALLY long time. I don’t feel passionate about anything and although I LOVE my job there is definitely a part of it that is INSANELY stagnant and EXTREMELY frustrating…..I will spare you…plus it’s confusing & probably (make that IS) boring.
Anyway….back to where I was– so yeah…..I set up Camp DragonFly in the other room and Sasha & I slept there. When I woke up I tried to eat but didn’t feel like……I didn’t feel like anything….I just felt like being asleep where my dreams make me smile no matter how crazy. So I took some xanax & when back to sleep……
I REALLY didn’t feel like it, but I end up showering, @ some point b/c I had a hair appt today & I seriously looked like a greasy haired junkie that had been begging @ the side of the road. I don’t mind going to my appt w/ dirty hair, but I draw the line @ looking homeless…..so I did in fact shower……but then I went back to bed….I tried watching TV but TV sucks…..so I took more xanax & some Lunesta & went to sleep (around 830pm). Oh, around 130am or so I woke up b/c Mr. DragonFly walked thru the room smelling like an ashtray & it sucked AND woke me up….he left & went back to other room though.
Since I was awake I decided to read a little from my book about cockateils & what to do w/ the Yiska egg situation…..it didn’t say much but I am going to follow all the advice I have been given & see how things go.

Today I have been productive…..I got up early– I mean for God’s sakes I went to bed @ 830pm….but I HAD to clean b/c my cousin comes tomorrow and really the house needs to be cleaned. Sasha also got a bath and I ran a few errands…..
My cousin doesn’t get in until late tomorrow night but I am having a biopsy in the morning & from what I hear it hurts so i am guessing I will be laying low tomorrow, but we’ll see….maybe it won’t hurt that bad.

This is a lot for me to share w/ pretty much anyone…..and don’t ask me about what the biopsy is for I don’t like to get into details of medical stuff…..I will just let you know how things turn out….I am guessing it will be ok.

Like I said I am doing better today and I am trying to get back to my usual persona…..but sort of needed to get this out of my system and I guess let you know where I was (physically & mentally)……
Ok….almost done cleaning bathroom then I am going to chill w/ some vino & do whatever the FUCK I want for a couple of hours.