The Most Massive Broken Glass Clean Up in the History of the World

Posted: May 12, 2011 in fucked up shit, household, stupid shit

Ok….first I was SOBER…let’s just get that straight right off. All I was trying to do was be a good dish fairy and put the dishes away….including a wine glass that had a stem.
I am AWFUL with wine glasses, and OBVIOUSLY, I do not have to be drinking from one, or drunk, for that rule to apply. Wine glasses and I are not besties. Wine glasses without stems and I have a much better relationship, but they can’t be too delicate and fancy b/c I am like Lenny from the book/movie Of Mice and Men except I’m not mentally retarded or unusually large, or disfigured.
So back to the massive glass clean up—–
Yeah putting away my nemesis… a STEMMED wine glass…..it slips from my fingers and literally shatters like I have never seen a glass shatter EVER before….and the distance on this shatter…..JEeeezUss. *sigh*
I am Uber pissed b/c I JUST woke up and had my jammies on & was reheating left overs and merely putting the dishes away while the reheating took place.
I didn’t even know where to begin…….but there were throw rugs involved and dogs live here, so I knew there would be me going outside to shake out the glass— FRONT YARD, not back where the dogs are. So I had to put clothes on……
Then I had to find a broom…..this is not my house and took a phone call to my friend in order to find broom, which by the way has NO DUST PAN. Seriously?? How do you have a broom with no dustpan?? I was told to use the Shark, but to take the bristle roller part out first. Ok…but I still had to sweep the destruction into a pile, and I think the pile of glass was bigger than the actual glass…..obviously just trying to be an asshole. I had no idea how to take the stupid bristle roller out of the Shark and was trying several different make shift dust pans. ALL failures. This resulted in ANOTHER call to my friend in order to learn how to take the roller part out (which turns out is pretty easy). Ok……so I vacuumed up ‘The Pile’ then set the Shark on the counter on which it decided to spit up some of the glass. AWESOME……so I now had to Shark vacuum the counter….or I could have just brushed the glass into the trash from edge of counter, but I wanted to make the Shark eat it’s vomit.
After dumping out the Shark’s vomit into the trash can I used it to go around ALL the edges of the kitchen. *sigh*
Also, did I mention when I was carefully trying to take the throw rugs to the front yard to shake out glass I inevitably spilled glass thru the living room. YEAH.
Anyway……I got the stupid REAL vacuum cleaner out and put it on ‘bare floor’ mode and had to vacuum the kitchen and found MORE glass as I was doing that– REALLY? It was like if you get gremlins wet and they start popping more gremlins all over the place, plus I had to move EVERYTHING….kitchen table….chairs, bar stools……
K….so now the kitchen is a SAFE PLACE……and I had to get the shark back out but WITH the bristle roller thing to vacuum the throw rugs.
All the time the microwave is beeping every so often….reminding me my food is getting cold. Yeah, I already know….Can’t you see I’m busy.
Alright…..throw rugs all vacuumed and looking better than before so that makes me happy…..but I still have to vacuum the entire living room, now.
Who breaks a wine glass in THE KITCHEN and ends up having to vacuum the living room? ME…..of course.
Gaaaahhh……ok……so I vacuum the living room and see tiny glistening pieces of glass basically laughing at me….but that crunching sound the vacuum makes when it is ACTUALLY sucking up those asshole pieces of glass was very gratifying. Love that sound…..
Also….I should never have kids because massive clean up efforts I find SUPER irritating.

Comments
  1. Deb says:

    Oh no–I can picture your frustration! Too funny!!!

  2. Sassy Stew says:

    LOVE IT!! hahaha

  3. Frank_Stefan@hotmail.com says:

    Poor girl…..I can see the situation ……broken glass pisses me off too….bc….even the most tiny bit can harm you in a very bad way……but a house without glasses is no option, so we have to get used to broken glasses for the rest of our lives….

  4. LGalaviz says:

    Why do they even have stems on wine glasses? It is just a bad idea. My brother gave me a set of stemless. Like little wine weebles.

    • Yes, huge fan of wine weebles….unfortunately I DO grasp the idea of THE STEM….because if you continually touch the side of the wine glass it will change the temperature of the wine, eventually—– especially white…..but still everyone knows something top heavy is bound to crash…..
      Plus, as I mentioned…..it is that oh so delicate glass that breaks if you look at it wrong….
      yeah…..don’t give me anything breakable….I am fine at the kid’s table, but with wine….ok

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