Archive for May, 2010

Fairy Tales

Posted: May 30, 2010 in dreams, mushy stuff, romance

I know I should stop believing…or maybe I shouldn’t— as an eternal optimist I am always the one that wants to believe anything is possible…..
And being an ABSOLUTE romantic in my mind, heart & spirit–I absorb love stories to the core. The problem, I find, these days is they leave me sad and empty like I let that story slip my fingers by turning to logic rather than my heart. What is the difference, really?…well one you turn to b/c you are finally trying to make the right decisions in your life (logic)….stability, etc… and the other is something that pierces your heart and takes your breath away…..something you feel and makes you smile every moment of every day….everything you see turns to poetry in your mind and every breath you share makes you feel more alive.
But that is not perfect either– I mean nothing IS….not looking for perfection…..looking for something that brings my heart to life….something I can write in poetic ways everyday and find something new and amazing in that love.
The Times when I don’t want to go to sleep b/c I don’t want to miss a second with this person…..& can NOT wait for the next day and the new adventures.
These things are never out of reach, but once you make the wrong decisions it is harder to exit them and believe the right ones are still a reality.
Finding yourself @ that point is similar to growing up and defining your personality….a complex process that takes time but still……..
I do NOT care how fucking cheesy or ridiculous I sound……I KNOW…..I will discover the love story I do not yet know….one way or another…………..Destiny always sends us in the right direction….with several lessons along the way.
Maybe I sound retarded but without the belief that the poetry in my head isn’t meant for more than the cage I find myself in I would (and sometimes feel) I would die.
I would rather die than know a life of hopelessness and despair.
GAWD do not get all freaky….I am a fun loving person just with thoughts that are dark, at times…….
To me it’s normal……to not drift off to somewhere else in an illusion you hope you can create is not something I can imagine………
We’re all different…..that is just my take

I actually wrote this in August of 2004….just going thru old writings:

The aroma, the darkness and the stagnant air held my sadness, my heartache and my fears as if its existence was created only by the presence of my weakness.
My soul lay silent in the corners of the room.