The Delusional Captivity of Romance

Posted: February 14, 2010 in Uncategorized

This is not meant to be a ‘Valentine’s Day’ post….it is pure coincidence that it is on the same day. In fact I didn’t even remember it was Valentine’s day until I arrived in my hotel room & read what people were saying on Twitter. With that said I have a quick thought inspired by watching “Out of Africa” on the flight over here. YES, “Out of Africa”….I love that movie and say what you will I don’t care…..I have seen it several times over the years, um….I guess on a certain level I could put it in a favorites category.
Anyway, if you haven’t seen it read this Out of Africa
Basically I always feel the same thing when I watch it. In general, I am entranced by Africa….as it seems to be majestic & simple in so many ways and yet there is the obvious turmoil. There seems to be a world…a beautiful world there that in some ways is still untouched and in many ways is struck by corruption and poverty. I long to visit Africa….and to feel it, to smell the air to see the animals, the people and observe things with my own eyes…not just through the documentaries and books I read.
It is not just Africa– I am curious about many places…pretty much EVERY place, but let’s not get off the subject.
Anyway…watching that movie reminds me of how pure a country, or the land can be..and yet how fragile as it breaks from oppression…and is stripped of the simplicities of just looking out over the plains in a subtle moment of being a part of something bigger than anyone.
In similar ways I also view romance that way….I think that Out of Africa is obviously an incredibly romantic movie and yet there is really no happy ending.
It reminds me that love and romance are glimpses we catch like a shooting star….or the flutter we first feel when you find new love. Those moments that we try so hard to hold on to…to capture and keep forever…..eventually become memories, and the harder we try to hold on the more they die and become a darkness where there used to be light.
Love….romance….are around every corner and perhaps in the glimpse of an eye can be found…..but just the same they can leave you…as a free spirit.
THAT is romance to me…..something that can never be captured but only grasped at the right time.
Maybe some people have found a way to manipulate those moments and find them everyday….but I think many people try too hard and corrupt what it was all about in the first place. I suppose that is kind of why I struggle with the idea of marriage…even though I AM married. Perhaps those moments are best found within ourselves….not by looking to others to fill a void……
I haven’t slept much and maybe this makes no sense & could most definitely be expressed better, but I am going to go ahead and post it anyway……

  1. SarahA says:

    OMG, tha’s a great comparison! However, I’ve given up on love and romance, but I’d so still love to go to Africa. LOL

  2. mcneatoburrito says:

    Here’s the deal IMO: All men are basically the same. If you ask them, they’ll say the same about women. Eventually, no matter who you are with, after years with the same person, the same issues will arise. Now, are these issues because of something they’ve done or something you’ve done? This is the question I have to ask myself (not you Dragonfly, just talking about me). I used to think “it’s absolutely always (insert guy’s name here) fault” because I thought I was easy to live with/date/bang whatever.
    Because I am an easy-going person, who likes to laugh, relatively good-natured, not overly obnoxious, etc. I thought of myself as a princess.

    OK, I still think to some extent, I am a princess, but not a “flawless” one. I’ve realized through a few long term relationships that I tend to have the same issues over and over. So, either all these guys have called each other to discuss my flaws, or it is ME that causes problems sometimes. Now for the men. Some women chose the same type of man over and over. I don’t. They are all so different and have all been polar opposites, but they all have deep-seated basic needs that make them so similar and I feel that’s why all men are alike in so many ways. So, you have to kind of think “hey, is it worth all the goofy shit they do that I don’t understand-for all the good stuff that comes along with them?” Sometimes the answer is NO. But I think that depends on where you are in life and what you NEED at that point in your life.

    When I was younger, I didn’t need the BS that I was having to deal with. The man was a good man, but I needed to be YOUNG. And I needed to be FREE and I needed to LIVE without answering to someone or worrying about hurting someone. It wasn’t about other men, it was about what I needed. Now I’m a bit older, I make sure my husband has to put up with as much shit as he gives me. It’s like a “shit balancing act” LOL . I’m not as demure as I used to be. We are equal partners, and sometimes he likes to try to be like “I’M THE MAN HERE” and then I have to take him down a notch and vice versa (except I’m like I’M THE QUEEN HERE).
    You only get ONE LIFE, so you have to choose wisely and ask yourself for the truth deep down inside.
    Another question people should ask themselves so they’ll give an honest answer: If I won the lottery, or came into millions of dollars, would I stay with this person?
    Sometimes the answer will surprise you. ; )

  3. joa says:

    As I’ve mentioned before, marriage is not a natural state. It used to be “necessary” for women who stayed at home and raised children, but that is no longer the case since we ladies done got us educations and jobz.

    Men and women were designed to do one thing together well: reproduce, spread our genes, and carry on the species.

  4. NikkiMoi says:

    This is an excellent piece of writing, my dear. It made me think a lot, which is indicative of good writing.

    I view my life as one that has been lived in Camelot. From the time I was a wee child right on up to today. Charmed is a word I like to use to describe it. But you know? That does not mean there were/are no hardships or pain. There have been some staggering hurts. To me it’s all about perception. I have always been loved. ALWAYS. Different people giving me love in different ways.

    I have been married to the same man for many years, and I still get that little flutter in my tummy when hubby comes home each nite. It was not easy for a lot of years, but I always knew he loved me. Even when he was a dick. And he WAS a dick for far too many years. But I’m known for finding the good in every single bad situation. And I cling to that good. In the end, everything seems to balance.

    As for a comment above about “would I stay with this person” if I won the lottery or came into a million dollars, my answer is a most definite YES. Money isn’t shit in the grand scheme of things. (And I am a very materialistic person, so that says a lot!)

    Maybe people try to dissect relationships too much or expect everything to always be 50/50. It is never going to be that way. Sometimes it’s 80/20. Other times it’s 10/90. And for this woman, it has worked wonderfully. Plus, the sex is awesome. =)

    I love you, woman.

  5. EXCELLENT comment….also gave me a lot to think about 🙂 xoxo

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