Have You Seen “DragonFly”??

Posted: January 26, 2010 in fucked up shit, marriage, things you don't really want to know about me

In case you were wondering where I was yesterday…I was curled up in my bed pretending the rest of the world & one person, in particular, did NOT exist. No need to go into details, but this person drinks A LOT and usually just passes out, but sometimes he acts like a weirdo, which turns into acting like a FUCKING ASSHOLE and it makes me sad.
(On a side note…..this person is actually a very good person….who just needs to work thru some issues….but yeah he needs to work through those issues….or well….it will be more than a blog, that’s for sure)
Sometimes it is hard for me to get out of bed even when I haven’t been emotionally drained & had too much to drink the night before…..I can’t remember the last time I woke up and was actually excited to start the day….
I mean I am sure all of you can relate— and I appreciate what I do have in my life, but I feel like I am in a stagnant un inspiring place and have been in a REALLY long time. I don’t feel passionate about anything and although I LOVE my job there is definitely a part of it that is INSANELY stagnant and EXTREMELY frustrating…..I will spare you…plus it’s confusing & probably (make that IS) boring.
Anyway….back to where I was– so yeah…..I set up Camp DragonFly in the other room and Sasha & I slept there. When I woke up I tried to eat but didn’t feel like……I didn’t feel like anything….I just felt like being asleep where my dreams make me smile no matter how crazy. So I took some xanax & when back to sleep……
I REALLY didn’t feel like it, but I end up showering, @ some point b/c I had a hair appt today & I seriously looked like a greasy haired junkie that had been begging @ the side of the road. I don’t mind going to my appt w/ dirty hair, but I draw the line @ looking homeless…..so I did in fact shower……but then I went back to bed….I tried watching TV but TV sucks…..so I took more xanax & some Lunesta & went to sleep (around 830pm). Oh, around 130am or so I woke up b/c Mr. DragonFly walked thru the room smelling like an ashtray & it sucked AND woke me up….he left & went back to other room though.
Since I was awake I decided to read a little from my book about cockateils & what to do w/ the Yiska egg situation…..it didn’t say much but I am going to follow all the advice I have been given & see how things go.

Today I have been productive…..I got up early– I mean for God’s sakes I went to bed @ 830pm….but I HAD to clean b/c my cousin comes tomorrow and really the house needs to be cleaned. Sasha also got a bath and I ran a few errands…..
My cousin doesn’t get in until late tomorrow night but I am having a biopsy in the morning & from what I hear it hurts so i am guessing I will be laying low tomorrow, but we’ll see….maybe it won’t hurt that bad.

This is a lot for me to share w/ pretty much anyone…..and don’t ask me about what the biopsy is for I don’t like to get into details of medical stuff…..I will just let you know how things turn out….I am guessing it will be ok.

Like I said I am doing better today and I am trying to get back to my usual persona…..but sort of needed to get this out of my system and I guess let you know where I was (physically & mentally)……
Ok….almost done cleaning bathroom then I am going to chill w/ some vino & do whatever the FUCK I want for a couple of hours.

Comments
  1. Pam aka watzherface says:

    Hey,
    Hoping for a good outcome on both fronts. Alchahol became a real negative aspect in our marriage a year ago and we almost divorced but got a handle on it in therapy. Husband works in the wine industry so lots of pressure there. After about 9 months in therapy he decided to quit and I really try not to drink around him for the most part. Our sex used to really be sorry but now that he doesn’t drink and we BOTH have put our energy into living healthier lifestyles we are a much happier couple. Having a 3 year has also made us look closer at our shortcomings. I wish you the best in your situation. Sincerely.

  2. Thanks….I think he is going to go to therapy…..and DEFINITELY cut back on the vino…..don’t know if we could both EVER get it up completely— baby steps….we’ll see how the 1st steps go…..
    Marriages always have ups & downs, ya know……bleh

  3. heamamabama says:

    Hey baybay… Wow… a lot going on in the Dragonfly home huh?

    Well just remember, that if you don’t lead life, it takes you places you may not be happy with. I’ve been there, I’ve dated guys who have been there and I *was* married to someone who is still there. It’s not easy, but when you guys are ready to decide which direction you want to go, that is when the real work begins…..

    Good luck and you know how to find me… πŸ™‚
    xoxoxo

  4. mcneatoburrito says:

    Yeah, marriages are like waves…sometimes up, sometimes down. Sometimes also hard to keep from drowning. Some days I know I’m just treading water & really wanna just stop…but, then I think of good things that have happened more than the bad, and they keep me going. I’m using the water metaphor too much, but I’m kinda close to the ocean so what do you expect ; )

    Sometimes I ask myself the “tea pitcher” question: After spending time with my man, do I feel empty or do I feel full? Seems corny, but if I’m feeling empty, something’s wrong and it’s time for us to have a discussion about whatever it is that’s really bugging me.

  5. Good advice and thanks…..Mr. DragonFly & I going to stick it out…..you know I always complain about him (on Twitter) but truthfully he is a good guy we all have faults. Obviously THIS one needs to be worked on…but yeah we stick together….for now πŸ˜‰

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